let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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