i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
