K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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