I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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