Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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