Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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