Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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