I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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