I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
