I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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