I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
