like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
