how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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