He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
