I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
