THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
