Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
