Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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