Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
