i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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