Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
