Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
