for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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