It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
