Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My feet surprised me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
