It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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