I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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