Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
