god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
