god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
