Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
