i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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