I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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