we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
