when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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