i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
