boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
