Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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