smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
