she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
