dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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