Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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