Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
