Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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