Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize