Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...