She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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