Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
