Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
