I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
