I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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