i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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