And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
