last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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