dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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