You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
