i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
