ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
