I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I didn't shave. On purpose
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
