he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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