duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
