Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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