How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
