i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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